We have entered into the winter of our discontent, back into full-force sleep issues that make me feel like the worst parent in the world when I reflect on my 3am behavior — driven to madness after being awakened for the 11th time that night by the same crying, screaming child who, when asked "What's wrong? What do you want?", can only scream "NOTHING! STOP BEING MAD TO ME! YOU'RE NOT NICE!" within inches of either my head or his sleeping sister's door.
This summer, when dealing with similar issues, a well-meaning, just-out-of-school therapist suggested that perhaps this was all due to Shawn Joaquin not breast-feeding as an infant and the only hope was to return him to that time in his life. She suggested we cuddle skin-to-skin for up to 45 minutes at dawn, with his chest pressed to my belly and his cheek to my breast as I fed him white chocolate to emulate the sweet taste of breast milk. After attempting to drive the images of "The Good Mother" from my head, I declined and headed to the pharmacy to refill our prescriptions for Atarax, liquid sleep for children. Thankfully, within two weeks the situation seemed to have righted itself and our wake-ups were limited to once a night and were delivered in sotto voce rather than screams.
Now we're back to screams that can only be avoided through bribery: "If you sleep tonight, you can watch [Happy Feet, The Bee Movie, Backyardigans, Shrek the Halls, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Jolt] tomorrow." We have tried to up the ante from a single night to two nights per movie, which meant that Bolt actually took a full week to earn and early morning questions included "Can I see the movie now? Can I see it?" followed by wails when the sleepy answer was a slurred NO.
I mentioned this in passing to someone at Peet's, who chided me for using crappy commercialism to bribe my son. "You know, he'd be so happy to just get a hug and a kiss and an 'I'm proud of you' in the morning — have you tried gold stars?" After a spit-take with hot coffee I thanked the clearly not-a-mom-to-real-children and went on my way. Then I reconsidered. We had tried the gold-stars approach in the past to no avail, but perhaps he was just too young to understand. At home, I broached the subject with him.
"Shawn Joaquin, how about if we make a really cool chart. And every time you sleep through the night or are a good listener, you'll get a gold star on the chart. When you have 10 gold stars, we can go to the movies or go pick out a special book at the bookstore."
"Can I go to the movies tomorrow?"
"No...you have to get gold stars first."
"What's gold? What do I do with them? Can I take them to the movies? Are they stickers? Madelena likes stickers. MADELENA, MAMA HAS STICKERS FOR YOU! Mama, what can I watch? WHAT MOVIE CAN I SEE? NOW? NOW? NOW! NOW!"
And with that I realized that I should stick to what I know - one good night's sleep in trade for one viewing of a not-so-crappy movie and some microwaved popcorn. A small price to pay, with no one losing yet another night's sleep or one's taste for white chocolate.
1 comment:
UGH, my children get my wrath for waking me up at 6am, not sure I could handle it any earlier or on multiple occasions. Special mommy gold stars to you!!
Much of my work as a therapist has been with children....and so, Id like to suggest that you revisit the bosom-cuddling-with-milk approach....HA...that was just so funny, cant believe she said that!
The whole concept of the chart/stars is to reward him (duh)....so, it's not the sticker or the star, it's the prize (movie/TV show)....and it only works if its the show he wants, albeit "commercial". So, I think you are doing a good job with the reward, selecting something that is worthwhile to him.
I would stick with the more immediate approach, to earning it everyday, rather than having to go two days...that is just too far away for little kids. I would also, if possible, due my best to ignore him....seriously, I would lock his door and do whatever necessary to "sound proof".
I would also go to a pediatric neurologist, and/or someone that specializes in sleep disorders in children...there may be other factors.
In the end, I would be the mom that locks him in his room, so he cant get out. And...includes a tv and videos in his bedroom so that when he is up he watches his shows, and doesnt wake me....but Im selfish that way.
Post a Comment