"Vacation" is spelled with a W for WHINE

As we drove home from Healdsburg yesterday — me aching with the flu, Gregg 2-days unshowered and tight-jawed with tension, Madelena in her dollar-store sweatshirt and one eye closed by the puss from her pink eye and Shawn Joaquin yelling "OUR HOUSE IS TOO FAR! TOO FAR! TOO FAR!" — I reflected on the numerous joys of vacation with two children under the age of five.

We had originally planned to drive 7 hours to Arcata this past weekend to visit family, but were shot down by a flu epidemic that affected all of our loved ones and made them less desirable as an end destination. Since Shawn Joaquin had recently been gypped out of a visit to the other side of the family, we didn't want to disappoint him again by telling him our vacation was off and now he needed go find some books and read in the corner. Quietly. So 3 hours of VRBO searching led us to a sweet little two-bedroom cottage near the Russian River, sure to provide hours of joy and fun for the kids as we walked down the dirt path to the river, picnicked and laughed under a jelly bean rainbow in the sunshiny day.

While I spent a frantic 2 hours packing clothes for both kids and myself plus all the food, toys, Diego backpacks, flashlights, books, toiletries, sleeping requirements (blankets, sound machine, portable crib, panda, Spiderman), bibs, cups, bottles, child-sized utensils and snacks for the car, Gregg, Shawn Joaquin and Madelena milled around and demanded attention or respite from one and other. Finally it was time to jump in the car for a hopefully brief and traffic-free 75-mile drive to our home-away-from home. The first 30 minutes of vacation were blissful — I had a Peet's coffee, the kids were happily drinking their milk and listening to XM-Kids, and Gregg was looking forward to our weekend away. We even managed to have adult conversation without Shawn Joaquin constantly interrupting and shouting "What you talking about? What is that? Why you talking about that? Let's talk about STORIES. TALK ABOUT WOLVES THAT EAT PEOPLE!"

At mile 25, Madelena became generally unhappy with the situation and decided to fling her cup to the floor as well as anything else put in her hands. She began braying like a donkey in protest at the confines of her car seat, while Shawn Joaquin shouted "WHY'S SHE DOING THAT? THAT'S NOT GOOD. MAKE HER STOP." And so it went for the next 50 miles.

Upon arriving at our house, Shawn Joaquin was more than thrilled to hop into his new bed which someone had so thoughtfully "freshed" for him. Madelena was not so easily coaxed into her portable crib, and an in fact decided that 30 minutes of nap were more than enough, thank you, and now it was time to get up and find all of the cords, remotes and breakable objects within reach in the non-Madelena proofed house.

The next 48 hours were spent keeping the kids from killing themselves or each other, trying to convince the usually happy hiker Shawn Joaquin that Armstrong Woods was actually a fun and exciting place as opposed to a destination that stood between him and the National Geographic DVD he had spied at the cottage, and that being outside was indeed better than being inside and asking repeatedly "what we gonna DO? what we gonna DOOOOOOOOOO???" The tiny little cottage was no longer perceived as intimate so much as entirely lacking in sound-proofedness, as illustrated by Shawn Joaquin shouting from his bed "WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" when he heard the crackle from the bag of forbidden Doritos in the kitchen. And sleeping became a luxury in which only Shawn Joaquin would indulge — Madelena saw no reason to stay in her crib when a perfectly nice bed was available just a few feet away and her parents were such accessible playthings at 1am.

Despite the tears (Gregg's), the howls of frustration (Madelena's) and the general moodiness (Shawn Joaquin's), the weekend was not a total loss. Shawn Joaquin, after screaming and crying his way through the Armstrong Woods, piped up from the back seat on the way home: "I had a goooood time, Mama. Thanks for taking me." A short trip to throw rocks in the water was appreciated by all, Shawn Joaquin did love the documentary about Rio, and Gregg and I managed to watch our own DVD one night, huddled close to the TV so as to not wake the children with an actual audible volume.

Today Shawn Joaquin is happy and eager to tell his Gammie about his trip to the river, and excited for our trip this weekend to snow country. In the interim, Gregg and I will rest up and get ready for another weekend of howls, tears and screams that will all add up — someday — to memories that will only include the moments when everyone was happy and Shawn Joaquin said with shining eyes and a sweet, sweet smile: "I had a good time, Mama. Thanks for taking me."