Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be Ariel

In recent weeks, Shawn Joaquin and I have started a new tradition - a picnic on the bed with a great movie. It's never too soon to start his love of movies; when he was less than a year old he went to the movies with me to see "Control Room", "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "The Saddest Music in the World", the most bizarre Fellini wannabe movie made. His interest in Al Jazeera was piqued by Control Room, his inner existentialist awakened by Eternal Sunshine, and his desire to avoid student art films aroused by The Saddest Music.

Now that he's no longer immune to the caustic language, on-screen sex and the violence of my favorite dark and independent films, we stick to old classics like Dumbo, which I am now convinced was animated by some fantastically stoned or otherwise high artists. K. Paige gives it 5 stars out of five - go check it out.

Last week we viewed The Little Mermaid, a movie I remember loving when it came out and enjoying at a theatre on Fillmore Street in the city...all the children singing along, all the little girls rapt and hoping to someday BE Ariel, LOOK like Ariel. Watching it with Shawn Joaquin, I realized this: Ariel has Issues.

Ariel is only sixteen, and makes a deal with Ursula the sea witch to become human for three days to win her prince over. Ursula tells her that if she does this, win or lose, she will never see her family again. Without hesitation, Ariel signs her soul and her singing voice over to the witch to see if she can get a little sumpin' sumpin' from the prince in three days or less. Even Shawn Joaquin was surprised enough to shout "WHY SHE DO THAT?"

It's weird watching a film you once loved through the eyes of your child — you realize just how messed up it is, and how now every Disney female lead looks exactly the same...just a change of eye color, skin and hair, and they're all Daphne from Scooby Doo. And there's some odd Japanese-monster-film synching happening between the animated character and their dialogue - THE ANIMATORS DON'T EVEN TRY ANYMORE. It's just sad. And clear that they need to go back to those heroin-inspired moments that brought us Fantasia and Dumbo.

Now Ariel and Cinderella and Mulan and every other Disney-Aryan-Princess-Under-It-All are banned from our house, though Shawn Joaquin asks hopefully and gravely every day "When Ariel coming back? Where she go? I want to wedding her."

Not a chance pal. Not a chance.