This little light of mine

We made plans this weekend to travel to Guatemala in three weeks, where we'll hold our daughter in our arms for the first time. Originally a solo trip for me, Gregg is now coming for the first two days to share those first precious moments, provide emotional support and hold the video camera. I am so frickin' giddy that work just seems like a time suck that takes me away from my obsessive thinking rather than the means by which I can pay for this crazy-expensive trip.

I'll spend a week in Antigua helping her with her newfound walking skills, wrapping her little fingers around mine to steady her, and obsessively watching her as she sleeps. After a week of love and sleeplessness in Antigua, I'll relinquish her to her foster mother again. There are no words to describe my dread of that moment.

In the meantime, I'm pulling together all our Spanish-language board books, small toys and the clothes that will fit her now but not by the time she's finally here. I've also tried to explain to Shawn Joaquin that I'm going to be in Guatemala with Madelena for a week, but will not be bringing her home.

Why she not come home?
She needs to stay there with her foster mother until everything is ready.
BUT I READY. Bring her HOME.

I hear ya, kid.