This is your wake up call

Our day began at 4am with a screaming banshee that woke me by beating my head with tiny fists while yelling, "Get in the office! Get in the office!" and jumping up and down. At first I thought it was a client or coworker who had somehow sneaked either into my dreams or into my house, so dead asleep was I when the assault began. Then I realized it was my loving son, who had last seen me (at 9pm, within view of his bedroom) in Gregg's office, and he was more than a bit chagrined to find me elsewhere at 4am. Shawn Joaquin has never done well with change, but we had hit a new low as part of the I-Hate-You-For-Disrupting-My-Entire-Life-Now-Hug-Me-NOW-NOW-NOW syndrome. After 15 minutes of hysterics, including screaming like a madman when the bathroom light was turned on while groping blindly for the switch and smacking me at the same time (so much more complicated than rubbing your tummy and patting your head at the same time - I am, in retrospect, rather proud) we began to consider tranquilizers for either him or us. In desperation, Gregg followed him to his room and slept on the floor to placate Shawn Joaquin without feeling like a total patsy by sleeping in the bed with him. Somehow this seemed a Pyrrhic victory, as proven by his back pain later.

At dawn, we tried to discuss the situation with Shawn Joaquin.

Me, firmly: Shawn Joaquin, you can't come running into our room screaming and hitting mama - it's a terrible way for everyone to wake up.

SJ, looking up at the ceiling: And then you saw the chickens and I saw the chickens and not from my bed but in the SKY.

I was tempted to follow up with "I'm an excellent driver, and excellent driver" but hate to laugh alone so early in the morning.

Gregg decided to take a stab at it.

G: Why did you hit mama and yell this morning?

SJ: Beause I yelled and hit mama.

G: But why?

SJ: But why?

He is either a brilliant strategist or no more of a morning person than either of his parents. Either way, we decided to call it a draw and take my mother's approach — let's pretend it never happened and then bring it up in 30 years in a way that is advantageous to us and could possibly, finally, help us win an argument with him.